Sunday, January 01, 2006

New Year, New Choices

Your choices today determine your tomorrow and you make your life through the power of choice. ~ Kathy Smith

When you cannot make up your mind which of two evenly balanced courses of action you should take - choose the bolder.~ WJ Slim

I have a dilemma. I've had a dilemma for the past 3 years and I'm sick and tired of dealing with it. It's a choice that I have to make, a big one, that will affect my future and the world as I know it will irrevocably change.

The question is, will it change for the better, or will it get worse?

For the last three years, I've been waffling, just going through the daily rudiments of life, reacting and avoiding in everyway to avoid making this decision, just struggling to survive and be happy.

Last year, my New Years resolution was that I would deal with it, make the choice, once and for all and deal with the consequences later. However, the waffling continued, with me finding a dozen other reasons not to choose now.

If I had chosen, I would be in a different place now. I would have already finished the hurdle, and been at the other side. But I didn't. And so here I sit...waiting...and waiting, for the tumultuous end.

What I'm really waiting for is for someone to make the choice for me, so that once again I can react. But there is noone that can. I can only make it for myself. And therein lies the dilemna. Because if things don't work out the way I want them too, I can only blame myself. Libras are fence straddlers, we can never make up our minds. But I NEED to make up my mind and stick with it and move on with my life.

I can't stay in this situation anymore. I just can't.


Shannon said...

I'm sorry you're having this dilemma. I wish I could help and know that I can't.

Except to say that if you want to talk, I'll listen. If you want to vent, I'll get mad with you. If you want to laugh, I'll certainly join you. If you need to cry, I'll probably join you in that as well.

The only thing I can offer is this...

I too had a dilemma, what do I do with myself/my life. It sucked at the time, I always felt angry. I wanted to divorce my husband.

Still have the husband, still frequently angry, life still sucks. Yet I found the courage to leave a secure job that I hated and went back to school. Figuring make that right for myself first. If that sorted all the other things out, great. If not, then I start going down the list of things I percieve to be wrong with my life, making the changes necessary so that I'm satisfied.

That's the nice thing about life kiddo. If you finally get off that fence and don't like what you end up with, you can always work at it to get it some place else that you will enjoy.

Take care of you and have a happy new year. Big hugs!

NML said...

Ooh very mysterious! I say make a choice and stick with it as indecision can paralyse us and you don't want to live life as a what if. I totally relate to what you're saying. We have some big decisions to make!