Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Control

Man is by nature competitive, combative, ambitious, jealous, envious, and vengeful. ~ Arthur Keith

First comes love
Then comes control
Followed by envy
Mixed with a dash of pride
A spoonful of selfishness
A cup of arrogance
And a gallon of impulsiveness.
Mix it all together
And you get my night tonight.

It's in my nature to be a peace-maker, to try and keep everyone happy. To walk the tightrope between what I really want and what everyone else wants. To give a little, compromise alot, all in the guise of keeping the peace. But even so, despite my best efforts, the house of cards came crumbling down. Because honestly, it's hard enough to please one person, let alone 2....or 5.

So at the end of the day---maybe I should make my new mantra, fuck everyone and just do me. Maybe that way, becoming a totally selfish person, uncaring of what others feel or think, I can find some semblance of the peace that my heart truly wants. Maybe that way I can actually be happy....joyfully, ecstastically happy. Or maybe not. After all, life is about finding a fine balance. Perhaps I should go half on the Fuck You and half on the Please You. Perhaps that might be the magic formula.

Right now, I'm honestly in the fuck everyone zone. Honestly.

5 comments:

Virginia Belle said...

Hey! Welcome to the Club! I beat you here by about a week. So far, it's great. So come on in, the water's fine!

:)

minijonb said...

Here's one of my mantras: "Why should you care what other people think?" You still gotta stay true to your values and not take advantage of people, but put yourself first.

Poetic Justice said...

Okay so what happened
and why wasn't I called for a venting session?

Call me!

NML said...

Ooh, I'm loving the sparkiness :-)

Poetic Justice said...

Sorry I just have to say that you shouldn't let anyone think they can control of have control of you. To do tat you would be giving them more power than even God allows.

You are the sole owner of you! That is why coming to Nana isn't about those people! it's about you! What do you want to do, be with friends and have a big ass reunion or stay in Cali while other Niaja idiots have all the fun! I say screw them. Come have fun with us and fuck what people say! I am right there to kick their asses anyway...Please say yes!